me and paul

Men In Black Panel with Paul E Hardisty and Luke McCallin

Most of you who have attended festivals will know that certain panels are more crowded than others. Several reasons can contribute to this. Big names, popular books, reach of the publishers. Yet on Sunday at Newcastle Noir I took a chance I went to a panel where I didn’t know anything about the two writers that were on show. I had never read their books, never interacted with them on social media they were complete unknowns to me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that when I emerged an hour later I would be in tears hugging one of my best friends saying what the hell just happened in there? My whole world perspective changed forever. It hasn’t left my thoughts since echoing in the background as I go through my daily routines on repeat. I have spent days trying to figure out why this panel had such a profound impact upon me. Stirring my emotions to a level I have never experienced in a public forum previously. As I left the auditorium an electricity sparked in the air people showing facial expressions that pretty much stated what I was thinking inside my head. Never have I left a panel feeling so emotionally drained passed the point of no return.

It felt as if an invisible dam of rage had burst within me flooding out in uncontrollable sobs. I slumped in my chair hidden in the darkness. My head in my hands wondering how I could have been so blind. Questioning everything I had ever been taught, experienced, and absorbed within my thirty years of life. It was like I had been asleep and finally, I was awake. Alive with new possibilities that hadn’t entered my thinking until that moment. That may sound abit dramatic but it’s how Paul and Luke made me feel opening my eyes to a world I hadn’t visualised. Asking me to challenge my own assumptions, look beyond the system I had been subjected to since birth and form my own opinions with new information.

Now to look upon Luke and Paul you would be forgiven for thinking that they are two unassuming guys. Two people you could meet in any bar in the world and happily have a drink with. Paul dressed in a black biker jacket, quietly spoken yet one of them people that then they do speak you listen. Luke reminded me of one of my old university lecturers in his shirt and jacket silently moving among the crowds taking it all in. However once they began discussing their writing, life stories, and what they were passionate about. A spell was cast over the audience enchanting everybody in attendance. All of us hanging on their every word. You could have heard a pin drop. A silent sombre entering the atmosphere not to be disturbed. As they shone light into the darkness peeling back our eyes and ears asking us all to look deeper. At no point however did you feel preached to. I felt as though I was having a pint down the pub with a long-lost friend and didn’t want to leave.

I guess that is the power of stories when they are told properly they speak to you, stir your emotions, and get you to think beyond what you know. That is what the Men in Black Panel did for me. It has changed my whole worldview as a writer and individual. All I would like to say to Paul and Luke is thank you for making me cry for making me feel alive again. Your panel will never leave me. I think I speak for everyone who was there when I say this the tears felt good. I needed them and so did everybody else.

 

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4 thoughts on “A Panel That Changed My Life At Newcastle Noir 2019 Written by Dan Stubbings

  1. I can only echo your comments.
    Two unassuming men spoke soft and clear and left the whole audience in:
    • a state of amazing puzzlement; and
    • with the intention of making small steps to make incremental change in this world.
    There are many cliques to attach to the experience, however, the simple truth is that these gentlemen of literature spoke in everyday terms about us, our lives and our planet.
    Literally, read them and weep.

    Like

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